Recognizing Triggers and Embracing Stillness

Today, a familiar comment from a friend made my heart tighten—a trigger I instantly recognized. Thanks to somatic therapy and learning to name my emotions and triggers tied to core wounds, I could identify it quickly. While it stung, I was grateful for the awareness, the ability to not take it personally, and for having a friend with whom I could have healthy communication. This, in my opinion, is key to maintaining healthy relationships, whether romantic or not.

The comment was, "All you seem to do is work out, play, and you don't really even work." This statement brought back a flood of past memories and old thought patterns. It hurt because I have worked extremely hard to get where I am and finally had a moment to breathe. Often, people only see the highlights reflected on the outside but don’t realize the pain, trauma, and hard work it has taken to reach certain places in our lives. After getting off the phone, I took a moment to reflect. I knew my friend’s intentions were loving, not meant to hurt. Yet, this brought to mind the other side of my journey.

For the first time, I have had time and space for myself, which hasn't felt overwhelming or manic. However, being alone and having time has always been challenging for me as an extrovert. Moving to Colorado without knowing anyone, without a job or teaching yoga, left me feeling isolated. My family was far away, and I relied heavily on my dog for comfort. I spent many days crying but realized this was a learning experience I had unconsciously created for myself.

Growing up feeling small and insecure, I found myself in relationships that affirmed these beliefs. One particular relationship made me feel incapable and small, and I was told I wouldn't succeed without my partner. This hurt, but it also motivated me to prove them wrong. I began filling my time to avoid facing discomfort, which eventually became unhealthy. I worked, studied, taught classes, and stayed busy to distract myself.

Despite my busy schedule, I immersed myself in self-help books and therapy, learning about gratitude, building confidence, and creating a fulfilling life. I succeeded in my career, started businesses, and made a successful life for myself. I learned to be happy and prioritized play, allowing myself to celebrate my successes and inspire others.

Being chronically busy took a toll, leading to mental and physical exhaustion. Friends and family often heard, "I'm busy," from me. My boss recommended "The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry" by John Mark Comer, which encouraged me to slow down and create space in my life. I began saying no to extra tasks and started feeling more peaceful and rested.

Fast forward to 2024, during a big life transition, I found myself with more time and space than ever before. Initially, this was torturous, but I learned to lean into it and embrace doing nothing. I realized this time allowed me to create my online platform, a long-time goal. My days are now filling up healthily and balanced, though I still experience quiet moments that I wish were filled with a partner or kids.

In conclusion, my friend and I had a follow-up conversation about the triggering comment, which led to a deeper, healthier friendship. I believe that recognizing triggers, slowing down, making time for play, and having open communication with friends are essential for growth and healthy relationships. I hope this inspires you to embrace these practices in your own life.