Someone asked me the other day how I make friends so easily. As I reflected on this question, I remembered a time when this wasn’t the case for me. Growing up, I was shy and battled insecurities. Making friends didn’t come naturally. I’d like to share how I overcame these challenges, where I am now, and some tips and inspiration that have helped me in making friends and building community.

One quality I admired in my ex-husband was his ease in connecting with people. He made others feel welcome effortlessly. Inspired by this, I began to practice friendliness myself. I became curious about people and their lives. If I saw someone alone or in a grocery line, I’d start with a smile and ask how their day was. This simple act often sparked meaningful conversations.

Another factor that helped was my profession. In my work, I connect with people and build relationships daily, which has made this skill more natural over time.

In 2017, I read "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. This book opened my eyes to the fact that we have the power to shape our identities. Often, we’re programmed by others’ perceptions of us—being labeled shy or quiet, for example. I realized I could change these narratives within myself and decide who I wanted to become.

When I moved to Colorado, I had to start over in building community and making friends. Here’s what I did and still do to make that happen:

Steps to Making Friends and Building Community:

1. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Realize that making friends requires action. You can’t just stay at home.
2. Attend Events Alone: Go to concerts, farmers markets, and restaurants by yourself. Start conversations with people about something related to the event.
3. Be Curious About People: Show genuine interest in others’ stories. Making connections makes others feel good.
4. Join Online Groups: Get on Facebook or other social media platforms and join local groups for activities you enjoy. Invite people to join you for hikes or events.
5. Join Studios and Classes: Participate in activities you love, like yoga and fitness classes. Communities often form around shared interests, and I’ve made many close friends this way.
6. Build Confidence: Work on your self-confidence. Push through discomfort to talk to others. Each time, you’ll be grateful you did.

Books That Have Helped Me:

• "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey: This book helps shift old mindset patterns and develop healthier, evolved ones.
• "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie: A classic guide to improving social skills and building lasting relationships.
• "The Confidence Code" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman: This book provides insights into building confidence, particularly for women.

Making friends and building community is essential for personal growth and happiness. By stepping out of your comfort zone, showing genuine interest in others, and continuously working on self-improvement, you can create meaningful connections that enrich your life. Remember, the journey to building friendships starts with small, consistent efforts. Embrace the process, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by a supportive and vibrant community.

Thank you for being here and sharing this journey with me. I appreciate each one of you.

Love,

Kristen T. Russell